Your Hook

Are you happy with the type of partner you attract? Do you like the way members of the opposite sex react and interact with you? Or, are you perplexed and even bothered by both the type of people you attract and the way members of the opposite sex treat you?

For example, do you tend to attract people who are only interested in flirting, or sex, or casual dating -- but never in a relationship? Do members of the opposite sex have the same reaction to you over and over, such as being noticeably intimidated, or perhaps on the defensive, or extremely physically attracted immediately? Do these reactions seem contrary in light of who you know yourself to be? Or do they simply make you feel uncomfortable?

If any of the above is even remotely true for you, you need to learn about your hook.

Your hook is a trait or quality you put forth to represent yourself to potential partners. It is the thing you offer in the dating marketplace -- your billboard, your advertisement. It is the thing the opposite sex sees about you first and foremost. It may be a set of behaviors, mannerisms, speech, dress, or other characteristics that you are completely unaware of. And, it may very well be getting you the opposite of what you want.

What is your hook? Although you may be unaware of it, you can still figure out what it is. To do so, answer these questions:

  • What is it you think you have to offer that the opposite sex wants most? Is it sex, money, care-giving, having it all together, being fun, or something else?
  • Who do your friends say you change into when you are around the opposite sex?
  • What personality do you put on when getting ready for an evening out?
Did you figure out what your hook is?

If you are still puzzled, ask one of your exs what first attracted them to you.

Now that you know what your hook is, you may want to stop using it to attract partners. Instead, learn how to be yourself in potential partner situations. Here is how to stop using your hook and be yourself instead.

  1. Figure out what your hook is, and de-emphasize it in your behavior. If your hook is your sexuality, change your dress and how you carry yourself. If it's money or power, play down these attributes.
  2. Stop trying to impress potential partners. Have you ever formed a deep friendship by impressing someone? Relationships start on the same basis as friendships, and being impressed does not guarantee a relationship.
  3. Practice bringing out and emphasizing all sides of you. Get good at representing all of your different aspects while in a dating situation.
  4. Don't turn on your charm to attract and keep potential partners, but instead turn on to your self. Turn on to how magnificent you are as a human being - even with all your imperfections, needs and wants.
  5. As you meet people and spend time with them, come from yourself. Be honest. Speak your mind.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

"(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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