Worst Dating Mistakes, Part 2

Last week I outlined the first five of 10 of the worst dating mistakes singles make. To review, click here.

Here's a brief summary of last week's list:

  1. Hiding who you are to fit into a relationship
  2. Confusing the trappings of love for real love
  3. Blaming relationship mishaps on the other person
  4. Not allowing time to heal between relationships
  5. Attraction means you are meant to be together
Today I'll round out the list of worst dating mistakes singles make. There are some mistakes that may seem obvious when you look back, but can be completely invisible when you are in the thick of things.

6. Giving too much personal information too soon
Honesty is always the best policy. But too much honest, personal information on the first few dates is a great way to spoil a possible connection. Sharing too much information too quickly is likely to leave both of you feeling awkward, with one or both of you wanting to leave the situation.

Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize that a relationship needs time to develop before it can handle the deeply personal information. The longer the relationship has been around, the stronger it will be and the more it can handle without breaking.

Having said this, do not withhold information that would help the other person decide whether you are a good match or not.

7. Seeing people as you want them to be instead of who they really are
Have you ever started to date someone and thought he or she was perfect...if only he made more money, or got her life together, or got rid of an addiction/parents/old relationship/etc? Do you try to change others into your perfect image of them? If you do, you know this does not end well.

Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize the people who want to grow and change will be the first to tell you how they are working on growing and changing. They don't need you to be the agent of change. If you try to move someone in a direction they are not interested in going, it will take all of your energy. Even then, you will likely fail because it is your direction, not theirs. It's better to choose people who you can love without changing them.

8. Believing a relationship is all you need to be happy and to have a complete life
Thousands of singles are searching for THE relationship, feeling as if it is their one key to a happy, fulfilled life. Meanwhile, they are robbing themselves of that happy, fulfilled life as it slips away day by day.

Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize that although love is extremely important, it is not the one thing that will fulfill you, complete you, or satisfy you. The minute you really do create a truly fulfilling life, you will attract love.

9. Making people wrong for who they were from the start
Let's say you start dating someone and money is not important to him or her, so much so that there is not much of it coming in. Later in the relationship you get angry because this same person does not have money. Or you get into a relationship with a person who tells you upfront that he or she is not interested in a committed relationship, but only wants to date. Later you feel frustrated and angry because you don't have a committed relationship. The list of examples goes on.

Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize people tell you who they are, what they want, what they will and will not do, and how your relationship will turn out right from the start. They might not tell you this information verbally, but you will see it in their actions or behaviors. You would do well to listen and believe them.

10. Going too fast into a relationship
I frequently mention this dating mistake because it is prevalent in our culture and encouraged by the way the media portrays love. Simply stated, you cannot build a relationship in 24 hours, a week, or even a month. Even if you believe the two of you are meant to be together, you should build your relationship slowly, instead of rushing into it.

Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize you simply cannot rush the process of relationship building. And if you do rush in, you and your partner will suffer the consequences.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

"(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

A great list of things NOT to do on a date might save you some heartache.

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