Worst Dating Mistakes, Part 1
Often the best way to learn something is from other's
mistakes -- especially others who may now be living a life you want. And that
means that if you're single, there's a lot to be learned from those who are
in a loving relationship, particularly when it comes to dating.
Today you'll learn the most common mistakes singles
make while dating. These have been shared with me by those clients who have
been on the front line of dating and are now in healthy, loving, long-term
relationships. There are some mistakes that may seem obvious when you look
back, but can be completely invisible when you are in the thick of things.
- Hiding who you are to fit into a relationship
Hiding who you are takes a ton of energy. You can only suppress your emotions,
reactions, and needs for so long. Eventually -- and sooner rather than later
-- the real you will start showing up and shocking the person you are with.
Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize you started
to attract your right partner precisely when you decided you were good
enough to never hide again.
- Confusing the trappings of love for real love
The trappings of love can be disguised as frequent phone calls from your
date, his or her desire to see you and be with you, the arrival of flowers,
cards, compliments, poems, and over-the-top attention. All of these can
be mistaken for love. They may make you feel loved and wanted, as if you
had found the right mate.
Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize that
these trappings did not necessarily mean the person was in love with you.
These are simply a few ways people express like, desire, attraction, and
yes, love. These are also ways people behave out of habit, to be nice,
to be liked, because they think they should, because they get caught up
in the moment. Real love shows itself in more powerful ways, such as friendship,
support, acceptance, and communication, and uses the trappings of love
as the icing on the cake.
- Blaming relationship mishaps on the other person
Let's say the relationship goes south. There is a bad argument or even a
breakup, and all you can see is how the other person caused the problem.
Once you are in a healthy, loving relationship, you will realize your
role is at least 50 percent of everything that happens in the relationship.
You play this role either actively, by choices you make, or passively,
by choices you fail to make.
- Not allowing time to heal between relationships
Ok, so you are out of a relationship. You hate being alone. You are hurt.
You hate not having someone to share your life with. You find a new person
and get into a relationship. But are you available to love a new person?
Are you ready for a new relationship?
Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize love
deserves grieving and you deserve time to learn from a failed relationship.
You will realize being alone is not a punishment, nor is it torture. It
is a gift of getting to know yourself. And you will realize your ability
to be alone is what gives you the strength to create a loving relationship.
- Attraction means you are meant to be together
You feel attracted, drawn to someone, and he or she to you. The relationship
is obviously meant to be, especially if there are many commonalities between
the two of you. This is even more so if you were brought together in an
unusual, fateful sort of way.
Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize these
encounters were meant to be all right, but not necessarily in a way you
thought. Most times, such encounters bring lessons, not loving relationships.
True love more often than not reveals the fateful aspect later in the
relationship, when you no longer need the evidence that you are meant
to be together.
Your Relationship Coach,
"(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate?
Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours
to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills
and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit
www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free
weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"